At this age i’m sure everyone had gone thru numerous exams and countless tests..and the pens and papers routine never stop..we go to school-meet new teacher/ppl every yr-learn and play-test-learn again-big exams-long hols and back to school again.The only difference is that we grow older and learn at least smtg new, altho  sumtimes we hv to learn the same thing ..(mitosis,meiosis thingy is still in my syllabus now even tho i’ve learnt them since form4,but too bad i still cn’t rmmbr by heart!dang!).
..Do u still rmmbr the first time u sat for huge exam,say..UPSR?i do..i prayed so hard..harder than i study haha…(but i was much more rajin those days,compared to the raudha u meet today)…i went to many motivational talk,klinik UPSR n i followed most of the tips given ..like,i recite all da doas(ade doa utk dptkan ilham,doa utk ketenangan hati,doa klua rmh on da big day itself,doa bile x dpt jwb questions blabla),i take proper bfast,sleep early and semualah..u know wut i mean…those days,exam is a big thing,sumthing we really2 hv to prepare body and soul..i even behaved extra nice tau everytime exam dh dkt..mintak maaf dkt ppl n all,..okay,let’s come back to the present days.
well i hv a question to ask,do u still hv shivers running thru ur spine everytime exam is drawing near?i know we hv the same answer.No kn?dun u think it is sad?we were much more ’semangat’ in the past. No tv a few weeks b4 exam.We read our revision book smpai hafal which fact dkt page mane.Look at us now?Tomorrow exam tonight still online dating..tomorrow exam tonight la nk tukar template blog la,nk google lyrics la,you tube..etc..how cud we do that to ourselves?Okayla,not u…me..sumtimes i pity that Raudha yg standard 6 tu.She worked hard,she behaved well..i cn say, she was..in a way-perfect (from my eyes yg skrg la) since day by day i see my own flaws gets ‘teruk’er. n this 20-yr-old-to-be Raudha spoil things for her.Sometimes i feel like i’ve ruined her future la (her as in raudha yg 12 yr old tu).She wants to b a dentist tau..like sgt2 tau.n she has done her part,but Raudha yg besar ni x do her part well, so spoil one stage  n now she cn’t b a dentist. Cruel kn?It’s like,working in a team la..but ade 1 person je. Raudha yg 12 yr old kne settlekn her task so that the next Raudha cn hv the benefits. Then that Raudha must do her part for another Raudha..n Raudha PMR pon dh done her part well…so Raudha mane yg spoil ni?(Do i sound like psychotic?cn u get wut i’m trying to convey?)..Okay,if x fhm lupekan je.
There r times when i dun feel like studying (Na,pls dun show this entry to mama).Sometimes i wonder if my mama wants to hire me,i wanna stop studying and work for her..like drive her to the office, then fetch the schoolkids..haha..i know this question shud nvr be asked.It’s not that studying is hard ke ape,but there r times when i felt tired of doing the same thing.(No,no i dun mean this)..
Before i continue,let me declare smtg..I’m SANE tau..dun get me wrong..besides,blogging is a way to display ur private thoughts publicly,so there’s nutting really wrong with this..
Okay let’s continue.I hope after writing this i cn gain that spirit back..yeah!i hv papers coming this June (NAOMI,when is the exact date again?)..n i’m gonna study pls pls pls..studyla odd..i hv to do my part well for da sake of the other Raudha…coz if i spoil this for her,i’ll spoil evtg..all d  efforts done by the previous Raudhas will vanish into thin air…
wutever~Cud u pls do me a favour?ignore this crap.I think all i need is a good night sleep.
All da best ppl..Goodluck for ur finals!!Study tau!!let’s pray for each other…

This is nutting new..not even to me..but while i was studying just now, suddenly this song creeps into my head (i’m not usually like dis)..n coincidently,one of my housemates played this song in her laptop (i’m pretty sure it’s from adil’s) at dis very moment while i’m googling da lyrics.so i paused…i put my book aside n wanders deep into the lyrics..n owh,for one magical moment i felt sumthing touched my soul..like,really touch (i dunno how to describe dis)..i’m gonna paste the lyrics in case u’ve forgotten..n yes,i’m missing sum1..not one,many….loved ones come in many names….they r ayah,mama,abg n adik2…n po’on..so this is wut they call rindu..sobsob..

Bila Rindu lyrics

by Ruffedge

dikeheningan  malam,
termenungku berseorang
tak lena mata dipejam
terdengar suara terngiang
suara merdu yg disayang
bagai kau didepan mata
ku capai tapi tak  kenal
sukarnya memendam rasa
ingin ku luahkan kata

bila rindu,terkenang mu sayang
terasa sayu
syahdunya jiwaku
bila malam,makin kelam
jauh terbang diriku melayang
aku rindu,sentuhan mu ku rasa sayu
inginkan jiwamu selubungi,jiwa ini,
bawa ku dlm pelangi
melepasi segala hati ini

jauh angan ku lena,ku rasa kita bersama,kaubawaku ke sana
ke alam kisah yg lama,kenangan didlm jiwa..
bila tersedar semula,disisiku kau tiada
sukarnya kupendam rasa,ingin ku luahkan semua ooooouuu

u cn get the rest by googling..i just paste the part which i like best..cepatla winter, cpatla november jugak!

p/s:I repeat,i’m not usually like this!

I’m stressed.I’m confused.I’m guilty.I’m missing home.I’m torn between two lives.Allah Knows.Yes…Only Allah Knows…Ya Allah,make me strong..make me strong..

-Raudha Husain 12.02 May 15th

by Dawud Wharnsby and Zain Bhikha

When you feel all alone in this world
And there’s nobody to count your tears
Just remember no matter where you are
Allah knows, Allah knows.

When you’re carrying a monster load
And you wonder how far you can go
With every step on that road you take
Allah knows, Allah knows.

Because no matter what, inside or out
There’s one thing of which there’s no doubt
Allah knows, Allah knows.

And whatever lies in the heavens and the Earth
Every star in this whole universe
Allah knows, Allah knows.

When you find that special someone
Feel your whole life has barely begun
You can walk on the moon shout it to everyone
Allah knows, Allah knows.

When you gaze with love in your eyes
Catch your glimpse of paradise
And you see your child take the first breath of life
Allah knows, Allah knows.

When you lose someone close to your heart
See your whole world fall apart
And you try to go on but it seems so hard
Allah knows, Allah knows.

See we all have a path to choose
Through the valleys and hills we go
With the ups and the downs never fret never frown
Allah knows, Allah knows.

Every grain of sands in every desert plants
He knows…
Every sheet of palm, every closed hand
He knows…
Every sparkling tear on every eye lash
He knows…
Every thought I
had and every word I share
He knows…
Allah knows…

..i’ve been staring at my yellow maths book for hours but i still cn’t muster my spirit to proceed with the exercises..the reason is simple.Today is my lazy day..i woke up at 9smtg in da mrng (i’m always da 1st in da house to wake up-but not today)..i had bfast, do some ‘copy n paste’ stufs from da net in bed.. then i  cook lunch for myself ..it was terrible due to my laziness.(LESSON OF DA DAY: never tumis bawang and cili padi with very little minyak unless u want ur housemates (n urself) to die of suffocation)…other than that i just sit on my bed,admiring my new quilt (ehem ehem)..n sudenly i’m lost-not only in my thoughts..but also in the world wide web.. It’s funny how we realized how much time we’ve wasted n not be bothered by it…It’s funnier when life has been nutting but wonderful n yet we still wanna be somebody else occasionally.Think again.No.It’s not funny now..close ur eyes n imagine u r now in Africa,dealing with poverty in which u n da ppl around u r the subject.The problem. Imagine urself hunting small insects for lunch..Sleep on the ground..roofless…yes,they dun hv to go to school..they dun hv to submit their food science lab report next week and they dun hv to sit for final exams in a month time..but r we willing to switch places with them?They’d give everything to be us..to live like us..roof on our heads…delicious food everyday…at moments like this, ’shame’ comes to visit me…how cud i still be lazy when i hv almost evtg to study? Esp when there is sum1 out there who wish he/she can live like me. Sum1 who craves for education..for love…n yet i’m still sittng on my bed updating blog?
Alrite.No regrets.cn’t afford to lose any more minute.i’ve forgiven myself for being lazy 2day..after all every1 has her lazy day..haha..fullstop…let’s get back to work ppl!!n owh,be grateful

..Okay people,i know i am not an expert..but things like this r just common sense dat i dun understand y some ppl dh pokai before the next scholarship money comes in. I’m aware that some of the ppl i know survived on bread,butter n instant noodles for almost a week before the  2nd money masuk.Let me give u some tips i got from my mama…..simple. Applicable to all. No matter how much money u get from ur parents/sponsor/boss/any legal source, the 1st thing u must do is put aside the money u need to pay for accommodation and bills.A must! Next, set aside the monthly money u want to keep in the bank utk hari tua/beli rumah/haji etc. (As for the gentleman, utk wedding preparation). This money is considered gone. Never let urself use the money u’ve saved for smtg else. The money is not urs anymore, think dat way no matter how broke u are. Konsep menabung won’t work if u keep on using the money u’ve saved.Then, divide the money left by 4 since we have 4 weeks. So now u hv a figure, that is the maximum money u can spend in one week. If u exceed that limit, u then have to cut ur expenses for da folowing week. Simple is’nt it? menabung is not difficult, i shop too!even crazier than u. Some people are lucky to have thoughtful parents menabung for them before they were born. (Not that other’s parents r not thoughtful,pls understand kids that making ends meet was not easy for some).These people already hv their haji money ready, basic car n some pocket money. But it does’nt mean that u can spend all the money u hv in ur hand. Try to keep some every month n at d end of the year, u’ll be grateful for doing this.. As for those who still need to spare money for haji n all, y not start now…u cn’t change da world by keeping $200 monthly in the bank, but u surely can make a difference to urself. Selamat menabung everyone